DAY 7 – THE POWER OF CONNECTION: REKINDLING INTIMACY WITH YOUR LOVER

Step 1: Specify What, When and Where

1. Does your partner respond best to your facial expression, your voice or your touch?

Facial Expression

2. Rank these three types of stimuli in order of effectiveness for your partner.

Visual

Auditory

Kinesthetic

3. Are combinations effective for your partner? Do they need to be told something while being touched? Or do they need to see your face as well as hear you?

She needs to see my face, and the expression is extremely important

4. Which modality do you favour: visual, auditory or kinesthetic?

I prefer Auditory - soft - intimate.

5. Talk with your partner about a time they felt truly loved by you.

Step 2: Clarify Needs

1. Think back to your partner’s top two needs from the Day 3 Action Plan. Can you think of some surprising ways to meet those needs? Be creative. Think of three or more ways to meet each one of your partner’s top two needs.

Need #1  - Certainty

Creative ways to meet that need: Doing the 'routine' things in our day with love and creativity. Showing L the steadfastness of my love.

Need # 2 - Love and Connection

Creative ways to meet that need: Hugs, Cards, Notes, texts, calls.  Communicate. Smile!

Step 3: Who Goes First?

1. When neither spouse wants to be first in initiating love, intimacy cannot flow freely. However, most men and most women have a preference – even a fantasy – about how the affection should flow. What is your fantasy? What is your partner’s fantasy? Who should initiate?

Both of us work best when she initiates/invites

2. What does your partner have to do to let you know they really desire you? Be precise: Write down exact actions, looks or words.

Kiss me passionately. No words. Hug. Fuck me/ let me fuck her.

Step 4: Commit 

1. What risks have you been avoiding in your relationship?

Being open. initiating desire. communicating openly.

2. Why are you grateful for your partner?

She encourages me to be me.  She never holds grudges. She is never jealous.  She introduced me to the magic of manifesting. She is almost always cheerful and open to new possibilities. She loves that I try new things.  She appreciates everything that I do.

2. When do you feel deeply connected to your partner?

When we hug.  When we laugh together.  When we are amongst loved one together.

4. How can you increase the frequency and intensity of those times when you feel deeply connected to your partner?

Just do it more often, with more presence!

Step 5: Experiment

1. Think back to your partner’s communication style. What are some new ways that you could show your partner that you love them?

Smile! Be present!  Don't let the world interfere! Hug!

2. Are there some activities or special things from the early part of your relationship that you can reintroduce into your relationship to increase intimacy?

Exercising together.  Playing cards together. 

Step 6: Open Up

1. Have either you or your partner created barriers to intimacy? If so, what can you do to remove the barriers?

We have both got into the habit of being on our phones.  We can try keeping away from them for sustained periods of time.  

2.  What can you do to open yourself to more intimacy?

Slow down! don't be a coffee fuelled tyro first thing in the morning.  Watch less/no television alone, so that there is a sense of plenty of time every day.

3. How can you help your partner to become more open to intimacy and passion?

Be more intimate, with no expectations.

Explore Arantza and Alan’s Intervention

1. Consider Master Skill 4: Reclaim Playfulness, Presence and Passion. Was Alan showing his presence? What did Alan learn was necessary to create presence? What is not necessary?

Alan was intellectualising.  He had to breathe and centre himself.  He did not need to stay in his head. He must put her first.

2. Was Arantza ready for Alan’s presence? What was her greatest challenge to accepting him?

No - she was doing her best to stop him from getting through to her.

3. What is possible for this couple when Alan is present and Arantza is receptive to him?

They can break down the wall between them.  They lose themselves in each other.

4. How were Arantza and Alan pursuing Discipline 6: Daily Intimacy? How would their relationship change if they pursued this discipline wholeheartedly?

Don't take anything personally

Questions to Explore Your Life

1. If you are feminine, write about a time when you were completely playful with your partner. If you are masculine, write about a time when you were completely present with your partner.

When lizzie was talking about her fears about work.

2. What is something you could do right now to practice Discipline 6: Daily Intimacy? Could you create a ritual to enjoy more intimacy with your partner? What could you say or do to open your heart to your partner today?

Hold them and ask them, about their day.

3. What did you learn about polarity? How important is it for you capture your dancing energies and ignite the polarity between you and your partner?

Very - otherwise we would have no chemistry