DAY 8 – RECLAIMING YOUR PASSION: UNDERSTAND, APPRECIATE AND RELATE TO THE ONE YOU LOVE

Dealing with Different States in a Relationship

Think of a time that you came home in a peak state and found your partner in a low state. How did you react? Would you approach this differently today?

I slowed down and listened - asked if there was anything I could do.  Today I would make sure that I stayed well and truly in my masculine.

1. How do you and/or your partner experience Discipline 7: Polarity: The Power of Dancing Energies? If you are feminine, how do you show your feminine side? How could you step it up and show more of your feminine power to your partner? If you are masculine, how do you demonstrate your masculinity to your partner? What could you do to step it up?

I don't - I need to be strong and completely present, no matter what.

2. Do you embrace your spirit/light and animal/dark side? Which one is more dominant in you? In what ways could you embrace more of the energy you don’t use as often? Come up with 3-4 ideas. Could you make one of them a ritual?

I don't know - I'm at a loss. I do embrace my spirit side in  meditation, My animal side comes out in my work.,

I don't know.

Day 8: Action Plan
1. How effective are you at managing your state in your relationship? Where do you spend most of your time: in a peak state or a disempowered/low state?

Half and half, but the disempowered state is deeper and more dark.

2, Think of the last time you found yourself in a low/disempowered state. What were you focused on? How could you change that?

I was focussed on the actions and traits of those around me. I could ask a 1 percent question. "How can I make things better, if only by 1 percent?

3, Think about the decisions in your life. Can you think of one you’ve been avoiding? Is fear keeping you from making that decision? What would it take for you to step up and make that decision with courage, not fear?

Organising and communicating our finances as we pull ourselves back into abundance.

See it as it really is - not better, not worse - just as it is.

DAY 7 – THE POWER OF CONNECTION: REKINDLING INTIMACY WITH YOUR LOVER

Step 1: Specify What, When and Where

1. Does your partner respond best to your facial expression, your voice or your touch?

Facial Expression

2. Rank these three types of stimuli in order of effectiveness for your partner.

Visual

Auditory

Kinesthetic

3. Are combinations effective for your partner? Do they need to be told something while being touched? Or do they need to see your face as well as hear you?

She needs to see my face, and the expression is extremely important

4. Which modality do you favour: visual, auditory or kinesthetic?

I prefer Auditory - soft - intimate.

5. Talk with your partner about a time they felt truly loved by you.

Step 2: Clarify Needs

1. Think back to your partner’s top two needs from the Day 3 Action Plan. Can you think of some surprising ways to meet those needs? Be creative. Think of three or more ways to meet each one of your partner’s top two needs.

Need #1  - Certainty

Creative ways to meet that need: Doing the 'routine' things in our day with love and creativity. Showing L the steadfastness of my love.

Need # 2 - Love and Connection

Creative ways to meet that need: Hugs, Cards, Notes, texts, calls.  Communicate. Smile!

Step 3: Who Goes First?

1. When neither spouse wants to be first in initiating love, intimacy cannot flow freely. However, most men and most women have a preference – even a fantasy – about how the affection should flow. What is your fantasy? What is your partner’s fantasy? Who should initiate?

Both of us work best when she initiates/invites

2. What does your partner have to do to let you know they really desire you? Be precise: Write down exact actions, looks or words.

Kiss me passionately. No words. Hug. Fuck me/ let me fuck her.

Step 4: Commit 

1. What risks have you been avoiding in your relationship?

Being open. initiating desire. communicating openly.

2. Why are you grateful for your partner?

She encourages me to be me.  She never holds grudges. She is never jealous.  She introduced me to the magic of manifesting. She is almost always cheerful and open to new possibilities. She loves that I try new things.  She appreciates everything that I do.

2. When do you feel deeply connected to your partner?

When we hug.  When we laugh together.  When we are amongst loved one together.

4. How can you increase the frequency and intensity of those times when you feel deeply connected to your partner?

Just do it more often, with more presence!

Step 5: Experiment

1. Think back to your partner’s communication style. What are some new ways that you could show your partner that you love them?

Smile! Be present!  Don't let the world interfere! Hug!

2. Are there some activities or special things from the early part of your relationship that you can reintroduce into your relationship to increase intimacy?

Exercising together.  Playing cards together. 

Step 6: Open Up

1. Have either you or your partner created barriers to intimacy? If so, what can you do to remove the barriers?

We have both got into the habit of being on our phones.  We can try keeping away from them for sustained periods of time.  

2.  What can you do to open yourself to more intimacy?

Slow down! don't be a coffee fuelled tyro first thing in the morning.  Watch less/no television alone, so that there is a sense of plenty of time every day.

3. How can you help your partner to become more open to intimacy and passion?

Be more intimate, with no expectations.

Explore Arantza and Alan’s Intervention

1. Consider Master Skill 4: Reclaim Playfulness, Presence and Passion. Was Alan showing his presence? What did Alan learn was necessary to create presence? What is not necessary?

Alan was intellectualising.  He had to breathe and centre himself.  He did not need to stay in his head. He must put her first.

2. Was Arantza ready for Alan’s presence? What was her greatest challenge to accepting him?

No - she was doing her best to stop him from getting through to her.

3. What is possible for this couple when Alan is present and Arantza is receptive to him?

They can break down the wall between them.  They lose themselves in each other.

4. How were Arantza and Alan pursuing Discipline 6: Daily Intimacy? How would their relationship change if they pursued this discipline wholeheartedly?

Don't take anything personally

Questions to Explore Your Life

1. If you are feminine, write about a time when you were completely playful with your partner. If you are masculine, write about a time when you were completely present with your partner.

When lizzie was talking about her fears about work.

2. What is something you could do right now to practice Discipline 6: Daily Intimacy? Could you create a ritual to enjoy more intimacy with your partner? What could you say or do to open your heart to your partner today?

Hold them and ask them, about their day.

3. What did you learn about polarity? How important is it for you capture your dancing energies and ignite the polarity between you and your partner?

Very - otherwise we would have no chemistry

DAY 6 – RELATIONSHIP STORMS: MAN ENOUGH TO STAY THE COURSE

 Explore Samantha & Darryl’s Intervention

1. Think about Master Skill 3: Create and Build Trust and Respect. What had Darryl been doing that failed to build trust and respect in his relationship? What did he learn to do during the intervention to help build trust and respect?

Darryl was looking for things outside of the marriage to satisfy his needs with work, investing, changing things up.

He learnt to be completely present no matter what.

2. What was Samantha’s greatest challenge with Master Skill 3: Create and Build Trust and Respect? What did she learn during the intervention that helped her improve in this skill?

She couldn't let Darryl in, She learnt to let him in,

3. What did Samantha and Darryl learn about Discipline 3: Emanate Your Natural Essence and True Core? How had they not been living this discipline prior to the intervention>

They learnt that it was safe to be yourself.

They had both put a shell around themselves.

4. How did Discipline 4: Positive Intent, show up during the intervention? How does Master Skill 3: Create and Build Trust work with this discipline?

Darryl promised to be there no matter what. 

5. What does today’s session teach about Discipline 5: Freedom: The Power of Forgiving, Forgetting and Flooding? What impact does flooding have on Samantha and Darryl’s experience?

It turns them around.

Questions to Explore Your Life

1. How do you express Master Skill 3: Create and Build Trust and Respect in your relationship? How do you think you could increase trust and respect with your partner?

More attention - complete attention

2. If you are masculine: How do you react to times of stress or uncertainty? Are you rooted in the storm? How could you become more rooted during these times?

I flinch in Storms - I need to keep rooted

3. Do Samantha and Darryl remind you of anyone you know? What did you learn from Samantha and Darryl’s example?

Lots of people! It can be turned around!

DAY 5 – FROM SELFISH TO SELFLESSNESS: THE LIBERATING POWER OF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

 What Level Is Your Relationship?

1. At which level do you operate most within your relationship? Where do you want to operate? How will that change your relationship?

Level 2 - I want to operate at level 3.  I cannot see that doing anything but improve our marriage.

Relationship Deadlocks

Take a moment and think of a recent time when your partner requested something from you. How did you perceive the request? Did you perceive it in a Level One way – as a demand upon you? Did you perceive it in a Level Two way – assessing whether the request was fair or justified? Or did you perceive it in a Level Three way, where you seized upon the opportunity to put your partner’s needs first?

I perceived it in a level 3 way - something that Lizzie wanted, and I wanted to give to her freely.

What decision can you make now to avoid relationship deadlocks in the future?

Always approach requests from a level 3 perspective.

Role Models

1. Whose example influenced the way you live in a relationship? Did you deliberately decide to imitate this person, or did you follow the example unconsciously? What needs were you meeting by following this example? What kinds of relationships did your role model have? Were they Level One, Two or Three relationships?

My parents.  I followed their example unconsciously.  This satisfied my need for certainty.  My parents had a level 2/3 relationship.  They were always loving and supported each other.

2. How has your role model affected your relationships? How has their example helped you? How has it created limitations?

It has given me high expectations as to the strength of my relationships.  It limited me by showing specific roles within a marriage for the husband and the wife.

3. What beliefs do you hold about what a relationship should be or shouldn’t be? Are there ways you have protected yourself or held back from your intimate partner as a result?

It should be exclusive. It should be all out. The work should not mingle with the marriage.  This has held me back from being truly open.

Questions to Explore Your Life

1. How do you practice Master Skill 2: Give Your Partner What They Really Need? What do you think your partner really needs? How can you give it to them?

She needs to know that she can spend freely without my knee jerk controlling tone. She needs more intimacy.

2. In the audio, Tony says, “If things are going to get better, you have to speak the unspoken.” What’s going unspoken in your relationship now? 

Money, Sex, Future plans

3. Are there needs you attempt to meet outside of the relationship? Which ones? How do you think this affects your relationship?

All of them - badly

Day 5: Action Plan

1. At what level are you playing in your relationship? Why are you there? What’s the consequence of playing at that level?

 Level 2 - I thought it was level 3 but now I know. It has limited our relationship.

2. Where is your partner playing? Why do you think that?

Same - doesn't feel like level 3 or 1

3. What could you do to jump this relationship to a new level? What could you share with your partner from your soul?

All of the above!

DAY 4 – BREAKING THROUGH: CREATING THE LIFE YOU DESERVE

1.Look back to the exercise you completed in Day 3. What are your top two driving Human Needs?

Significance and Certainty

2.  How do you meet these needs in:

Positive Ways	Negative Ways
Planning Being of Service Being Outstanding Having routines Social Media  Being there for people	Scoring Points off people Gossiping Being reluctant to try/buy new things Social Media Doing things for the effect

3. What positive vehicles could you use to replace the negative ways that you currently meet these needs?

• Supporting people 
• Keeping my trap shut
• Being open to new things - there is nothing so certain as change :)
• Limiting social media to words of support and entertainment.
• Letting virtue be its own reward.

4. If you have a partner, what are their top two human needs?

Certainty and Connection

4. In what ways do they consistently meet those needs in:

Positive Ways	Negative Ways
Keeping in contact with people Having a routine	Not trying new things outside her comfort zone. Making phone chat her primary goal. Social Media sharing

The Crazy Eight

1. If you had a crazy eight emotional pattern, what would it be (e.g., anger/helplessness, being controlling/withdrawing, trust/distrust)?

anger/helplessness

2. Tahnee’s crazy eight revolved around the issue of trust – a necessary part of a relationship that she had not been able to create. What is your crazy eight about?

People not behaving the way I want them to.

3. Does your partner have a crazy eight? What is that about? What is your partner struggling with? What do they need?

Not sure

The 2 Types of Problems

1. 
   

1. What are some problems that have been a regular challenge for you?

Finance and Abundance. Lack of Career progression

2. What are the risks associated with this problem? What if you succeed? What if you fail?

There is really no risk involved.  We are financially secure, and lack of career advancement will not stop this.

3, Does having this problem meet any of your 6 Human Needs? Which ones?

Significance(!)

4. Is this a self-imposed safe problem or a quality problem? If it’s a safe problem, can you think of an underlying quality problem that it’s related to? What can you do about it?

They are both safe problems.  The quality problem is to teach me to be unaffected by others opinion (need for significance), and to be more open with Lizzie and to accept her ideas on money and abundance.

5. Now consider your problem from this point of view. If you were to completely annihilate the safe problem from your life, how could you step up? How could you raise your standards? What would you do? How is this an opportunity to take your life and your relationship to a whole new level?

I would be a man operating at his own extremely high standards, regardless of the appearance to others. I would live in abundance, and be happy to communicate that with loved ones.

Questions to Explore Your Life

1. How do you express heartfelt understanding to your partner?

Eye contact, being present, 'taking it on'.

2. Can you think of an example of how you could improve your practice of the first Discipline of Love: Put Your Lover First? 

TV! Watch whatever she wants to watch!  Be open to whatever she wants/needs.  Make it possible, rather than being the handbrake. 

Day 4: Action Plan

1. In the chart below, write down the frequent, predominant emotions you experience during the course of a week. Embolden the top two of each – the ones you experience most profoundly or most often.

Disempowering Emotions	Empowering Emotions
Fear Upset Frustration Jealousy Judgement Hopelessness Torpor	Joy Happiness Pride Satisfaction Hopefulness

2, How do your disempowering emotions meet your 6 Human Needs?

They make me feel Certain, Uncertain, Connected

3. How do these emotions harm your life?

They stop me from growing and contributing

4. What new emotion could you choose now? What could you do with your body, focus and language to embody this emotion and make it a habit?

Expectation! The certainty that it will all work out well for us,

DAY 3 – BACK FROM THE EDGE: CREATING EVERLASTING LOVE

 Explore Jenn and Paul’s Intervention

1. What needs do you think Jenn and Paul were not meeting for each other before the intervention? From what you know about their relationship after the intervention, how do you think they are meeting those needs now?

Jenn was not meeting Paul's need for significance. Paul was not meeting Jenn's need for connection.

2. What needs do you think Paul valued most at the start of the intervention? Why do you think this caused friction in their relationship? What about for Jenn? What were her most valued needs? How did they affect the relationship?

He valued significance.  She valued love.

Questions to Explore Your Life

1.  How well do you think you are meeting your partner’s needs? How do you think you could meet their needs at a higher level right now?

Certainty - 8

Variety - 7

Significance - 5

Love/Connection - 7

Growth - 5

Contribution - 5

The biggest thing I need to be is present  and open.

2. What are a few things that you enjoy – ones that make you feel loved? How do you think your partner would answer that question, for you and for themselves? Ask them and compare notes. You might be surprised at the result!

Being cared for physically.

Rank your partner’s 6 Human Needs, in order of importance.  Score how well you have been meeting their needs.

1.  Certainty - 8

2. Love/Connection - 6

3. Significance - 6

4. Uncertainty/Variety - 5

5. Growth - 5

6. Contribution - 5

Choose your partner’s two most important needs. Brainstorm three specific ways you could meet each need for your partner.

Need #1:Certainty

1. Communicate my movements
2. Be consistent in my actions and emotions.
3. Have a plan to keep things moving on a certain path.

Need #2: Love/Connection 

1. Keep in contact.
2. Pay attention.
3. Connect physically and emotionally.

Understanding Your Needs

Rank your 6 Human Needs, in order of importance. - How well have they been met

1. Significance - 5
2. Certainty - 8
3. Love/Connection - 7
4. Growth - 5
5. Contribution - 4
6. Uncertainty/Variety - 5

Need #1: Significance

1. Be interested in me and my work,
2. Stay away from phones when we're together,
3. Pay me physical attention.

Need #2: Certainty

1. Stick to plans.
2. Have a routine
3. Be part of out plans.

Think of your top two needs. What would change in your life if one of them changed?

If one of my top two needs was the same as one of Lizzie's, we would be more aligned.

Discuss with Your Partner

1.Ask your partner how they would like to have their needs met.

2.What you would appreciate from your partner? 

DAY 2 – THE SECRET TO OUTSTANDING RELATIONSHIPS: THE 7 MASTER SKILLS & THE 10 DISCIPLINES OF LOVE

 Day 2: Action Plan

Score yourself on the 7 Master Skills of Relationships and the 10 Disciplines of Love so you can understand where you are now. Singles: If you are not presently in a relationship, how have you used these skills in a former relationship or with someone close to you?

Skill 1: Heartfelt Understanding - 5 - Ask! Listen completely! Be Present 

Discipline 1: Put Your Partner First - 6  - Make sure that first thing when I come home, or when Lizzie wakes up, that I greet her loveingly.  And last thing before leaving or sleeping,

Skill 2: Give your partner what they really need - 6 - Be patient, supportive of her wants and needs. DON'T react with your fears.

Discipline 2: Loving no matter what 4: STOP the internal conversations.  If you can't say it, don't think it!

Skill 3: Create and Build Trust and Respect: 8  - Let go, and let Lizzie be Lizzie.

Discipline 3: Being Yourself, Emanate and Express Your Natural Essence and True Core - 8 - Ne more open

Discipline 4: Positive Intent: Eliminate Threats and Judgement and Remember the Power of Language - 6  - Always ask what else this could mean.  Talk and ask in positive terms.

Discipline 5:Freedom: The Power of Forgiving, Forgetting and Flooding - 5 -  make each instance new, rather than bringing up the past.

Skill 4: Reclaim Playfulness, Presence and Passion - 5 - Smile! Be open to ideas!

Discipline 6: Daily Intimacy & Full Engagement: Open Your Heart and Hold Nothing Back  - 6 - More hugs, more kisses, more touch.

Discipline 7: Polarity: The Power of Dancing Energies - 6 - OWN  my sexuality

Skill 5: Harness Courage and Embrace Honesty - 4 - Practise - be open and honest sooner than later.

Discipline 8:Loving Truth:The Power of Vulnerability - 0

Skill 6: Uncover and Create Alignment  6 - We are aligned in some goals, not in others.  Be more open with your goals.

Discipline 9: Utilization: The Power of Higher Meaning and Constant Growth - 2- 

Discipline 10: Gratitude and Giving:Appreciation is the Power  - 7 - Yes!

Skill 7: Live Consciously:Be an Example - 6 - Hold yourself to the highest standards, regardless of what others do.

All 10 Disciplines of love - 5